Stealth

Now playing- St. Peter as covered by RestinginRaindrops. Beautiful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiBL0j6jpSI

Stealth. It's a very interesting subject. It can be touchy. And for cispeople who don't understand, think of it this way: Stealth is to transpeople as abortion is to cis. (Not to undermine the seriousness of abortion.) What I mean is that it's a HUGE decision that takes a very long time to decide. Or for some, very quick. For me, it's a very difficult thought. You all know my stance on my trans status, I would never wish to be born cis for the world. However, it's hard to decide if I should be stealth post-transition, especially when I'm such an outspoken person for trans rights/acceptance. Would I have to drop all my ties to these things? Delete every picture, drop off the face of the earth, change my name and start over? Do I want that? Do I want to be semi-stealth, where I won't necessarily advertise I'm trans, but I wouldn't deny it? Would it work to stand there 6' tall and truly believe people wouldn't know when word spreads? Should I fear the thought of being assaulted, persecuted as many must? Maybe the trans community should make an island, where we all live and everyone is happy and carefree. What about if I were stealth, and post-op, and were dating a guy. Get married. Would I have to act surprised that I can't get pregnant? (Actually, that would be a quite humorous scene, since I would probably burst out laughing trying to act like I never knew.)

I often dream of a time when I can be myself in a world where I'm simply a girl and nothing else. Then I stop and think about what that would mean. "Why do I have so many LGBT friends? Oh I'm just bi" "But you hang out with QUITE a lot of trannies... 6'. Wide shoulders. Big hands. Psh. You're not a girl"

How long til I'm post-op? Ha. Like that would happen anytime soon. If I could also avoid Anigav, I would totally take a Ka-Poon moment. (TGD reference, for people who don't know.) I can't WAIT for FFS truthfully. I'm guessing I'll need to save up on my own. Do it myself. My parents don't get it. They try and make me wait. Why wait? Every day I draw more and more into depression. Every day without a name change. Every day with an adam's apple. Every day with a guyish brow, and high hairline, and DIY meds (Although, that's about to change<3). I know they want to take it one step at a time, but sadly, it doesn't work that way. If I want to survive in this world, I'm going to have to do most of it on my own. If they won't help when it's needed, screw it. I'll go rob a bank. Whatever it takes to be me NOW. There's no reason why I should be stranded beaten and broken for 18 years, have my parents find me and then hear them say "We'll leave you in your pain and suffering for 3 more years before we decide to help"

Psh.