Home

Home indeed.

Just read Almost Perfect. Yes, in one day. I'm mystically obsessed like that. I squealed when I got it.

I didn't realize it was a sad ending. Cried for hours. It's like I can't wrap my head around my existence. Like I'm an impossible being with impossible goals moving nowhere for no reason.

"I fail at life. Life fails at me.
Poor little transgirl hangs from a tree"

I don't want to be the middle age transitioner. I want to be the one who transitioned years ago. Not had to go through male puberty, not be 6', not have an impossible voice, and not have to waste thousands on electrolysis. I mean, my parents basically caused my to spend thousands I wouldn't need to spend if I had transitioned at 14, 13, even 16. They told me they're paying for my college because they don't want me to have loans and debt. Guess what? I'll STILL have loans and debt. They better not be thinking I'm gonna really wait ten years to get this done. I want to be 90% done by 21. ...Fat chance, but it's a goal at least. Maybe 23. Does that sound more reasonable? 

This is the only thing I can grasp right now, and it's slipping from me. Passing, growing... I mean, if I'm going to VOLUNTARILY go through puberty AGAIN... I at least want it to be worth it.

Grow a nice rack. To be blunt.

Speaking of blunts, I'm done with hearing about drugs and alcohol. I don't even want to her WORD about it. I just want to be able to hang sober with people who don't think I'm a menace to society. A transgirl to just sit with. Or a transboy to... cuddle with ;]

I'm a bad whore. I haven't hooked up with anyone in months. Not since... But let's not talk about that. Though, it could also be a milestone of HRT. A spiro a day keeps the boner away. (Not that I could get one BEFORE HRT.)

I hope some teen transgirls find this. Cause I know I'm not the only one who goes through the same shit and thoughts. I just wanna hear "Yeah, I get it", and I'll feel ecstatic.

Ecstatic.